I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
