she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
