this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
