so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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