Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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