i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
