no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
