It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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