I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
