you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need water and some morals
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
