As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
