TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
