Even the bartender felt bad for me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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