He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
