My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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