Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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