i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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