This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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