You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
