oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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