I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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