If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
