A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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