How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
