I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
