I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
