I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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