Please, let me fuck your mom
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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