people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
