we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
