No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
