I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
