normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
