Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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