So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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