is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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