i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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