hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
