take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
