He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
