I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
