She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
