also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think your dad took our porno
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
