she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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