I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
