Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
