I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
