I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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