You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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