office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
