i will never coherently bang her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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