Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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